Journal

This morning I decided it was time to go back thru my journal from my time in New Zealand. The following is a letter I wrote to Jesus on my first day there. I am sharing it with you because it made me realize that spiritually, I am far from where I could be and should be and want to be.

Dear Jesus,
You created me in your image, designed me to be a reflection of you, to see people the way you see them and love people the way you love them. You have a purpose for my life, a perfect and wonderful plan, a job for me to do that won't get done if I don't do it. I pray that this Descipleship Training School, this season of my life, this next six months would make me more like you, that I would be closer to knowing my purpose and closer to doing the work that you desire me to do.
I want to know you more, to love you more than anything or anyone else in my life. Take away the things that are blocking me from you. Rid me of the sins in my life that hurt your heart. You are my delight and I know that I am yours, please help me to know and realize that in a real way. Open my eyes to see you more clearly, I want to be closer to you than I ever thought possible.
Give me a new hunger and new thirst for your word. Show me things in the Scriptures that I have not previously noticed. I want to meet you regularly in our secret, quiet place, and I want to feel you within my heart always. Help me not to stray. I am weak, I need youto guide me, to lead me, to show me Your way.
I want to have a life that is honoring to you. Make my life like a love song to your heart. Using gifts and talents that you have given me makes me happier than anything else. I pray that my eyes would be open to see the opportunities that you give me to glorify you by using the gifts you have given me. You gave me leadership gifts, let me use them, let me not be afraid of them, but develop those skills. Get me out of my comfort zone. I want my voice to be an instrument, a tool for you. I want to tell people your name, JESUS! Get me out on a limb for you and I will speak with your words. Use me Jesus.
I give everything I have to you. More than anything I want to be the woman you desire me to be. Let me not be distracted, let me focus only on you. I need your strength, I cannot do this alone. Hold me, protect me, teach me, grow me.
I pray for my loved ones, for my family and for my boyfriend Ryan, that you would send your heavenly angels to watch over them. Wrap your arms around them and hold them Lord. I pray for my team, that you would unite our hearts and give us a common vision. I pray for all the people who will come to know you more through our ministry over the next six months. Begin preparing their hearts to accept you. prepare their ears to hear you, prepare their eyes to see you. Reveal yourself, I pray, to all of us. Let us bask in the glory that you shine upon us.
I need you, I want you, I love you Jesus.
Love,
Your Daughter Amber