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Everything you never knew about counting calories! Guaranteed to have a profound effect on your diet!


1. If you eat something without anyone seeing, it does not contain any calories.
2. If you drink a low calorie drink and eat a piece of chocolate cake, the calories in the drink will cancel out the calories in the cake.
3. If you eat with other people, only the calories which you consume over what the others consume count.
4. Food which is consumed for medical reasons (e.g. hot chocolate, red wine, brandy) NEVER counts.
5. The more you fatten up those around you on a day to day basis, the thinner you yourself will seem.
6. Food (crisps, peanuts, soft drinks, sweets) which is consumed when watching films, videos or listening to music does not contain any calories as it is not consumed as food or sustenance, but as part of the entertainment.
7. Biscuits and pieces of cake do not contain any fat if they are broken and eaten in small pieces, as the fat is released as vapour when the cake is broken up.
8. Everything licked from knives, spatulas or spoons when cooking does not contain any calories, because it is a part of the food preparation process.
9. Foods with the same colour have the same calorie content (e.g. tomatoes and strawberry jam, mushrooms and white chocolate).
10. Frozen food does not contain any calories, because calories are units of energy (= heat).