Friday, March 9, 2007

Barbie, Chicago-Style

I'm not gonna lie, when I saw this I laughed...and was quite disturbed at the same time. Perhaps this is hilarious to me because we live in Chicago. Either way, I stole it from my friend Katie's blog so that I could share it with you.

Here it is...

Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Greater Chicago market:
"Hinsdale Barbie" This princess Barbie is sold only at The Oak Brook. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face - lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.
"Naperville Barbie" The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Chrysler Town & Country Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately. "Cicero or Calumet City Barbie" This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ....unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
"Barrington Hills Barbie" This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them."Joliet Barbie" This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
"West Loop Barbie" This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo."Elgin Barbie" This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Joliet Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home."Lincoln Park Barbie" This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Lincoln Park Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.


scott hodge said...

OH MY GOSH. This is HILARIOUS!! Thanks for sharing! (And so right on too...)

Sarah said...

Oh my goodness! I was sitting here laughing so hard because its so true!! Ah the joys of growing up in Chicago...