Colbert Brings Truthiness to '08
Campaign
Wed, 17 Oct 2007 10:46:47 AM PDT
President Bush is ineligible to run for another term in office, so Stephen Colbert is throwing his support behind the next best candidate: Himself.
The Comedy Central pundit, who already serves as commander in chief of the Colbert Nation, announced on Tuesday night's Colbert Report that he is officially entering the 2008 presidential race.
"After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call," he said. "Nation, I will seek the office of the president of the United States. I am doing it!"
The momentous announcement was met with audience cheers, a cascade of red, white and blue balloons and a flashing onscreen recap of the announcement: "I am doing it!"
"I'm almost humbled by your response," he continued, before amending his candidacy to include campaigning in one state and one state only: South Carolina.
"I am from South Carolina, I am for South Carolina and I defy any other candidate to pander more to the people of South Carolina," said the state's—though not, Colbert clarified, his mother's—favorite son. "Those beautiful, beautiful people."
To punctuate his announcement, Colbert informed viewers they would no longer need to purchase en masse a "Stewart/Colbert '08" bumper sticker, but implored them instead to invest in a "Colbert/Stewart '08" one—provided they also buy a pair of scissors and hack off the name of his would-be runningmate, i.e., former boss and Daily Show host Jon Stewart.
Instead, the pseudoconservative said he preferred a "Colbert/Colbert" partnership: "That's a strong ticket."
Anticipation over the candidacy announcement had reached a fever pitch in recent days, a phenomenon completely perpetuated by Colbert. On his recent book tour hawking I Am America (And So Can You!), the 43-year-old pundit made a point of refusing to confirm whether an announcement was pending, often without such an inquiry from his interviewer.
On Tuesday night, Colbert also appeared briefly on his old Daily Show stomping grounds, arriving on set by an Uncle Sam-driven carriage. Colbert promptly pulled out a hay bale and cracked open a cold beer on stage to prove his "average Joe" mettle.
"The people cry out for a hero," Stewart told his colleague, after being instructed via cue card to do so. "Are you planning a run for president of the United States?"
Not ready to confirm or deny, Colbert went cagey.
"Tonight, I, Stephen Colbert, am officially announcing that I have decided to officially consider whether or not I will announce that I am running for the president of the United States," he said to rapturous applause.
"I will be making an announcement of that decision very soon, preferably on a more prestigious show."
Namely, his own.
On Sunday, Colbert further promoted his satirical agenda by guest writing Maureen Dowd's New York Times column—chosen headline: "I Am an Op-Ed Columnist (And So Can You!)"—and informed the nation he has heard their cries for help.
"I know why you want me to run, and I hear your clamor...Nevertheless, I am not ready to announce yet—even though it's clear that the voters are desperate for a white, male, middle-aged, Jesus-trumpeting alternative."
"What do I offer? Hope for the common man. Because I am not the Anointed or the Inevitable. I am just an Average Joe like you—if you have a TV show."
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